The majority of people learnt how crucial it is to help other people in their childhood. Many people believe that helping others is an excellent way to make our world better as you will be useful for other human beings. What wrong can be in it?
Unfortunately, there is enough people who tend to offer their help when no one is asking them about it. These people are so sure of the value of their help that they sincerely fail to understand the negative respond of the subjects of their flow of helpful energy. It happens in such a way since in some situations the receivers of your help simply feel as victims and if the pressure of your help becomes even more intense they can even stop the relationship with you in order to avoid it.
If you do not want to be the one whose help causes terror in other people, you should read this article and you will understand the subject better.
Examples of unwanted help
There are many situations in which help is not expected and there are many cases in which your help can even spoil something. There are some classic examples of such situations.
One of the most popular cases is the attempts of parents to interfere into the private life of their children. These can be the attempts of parents to make their child acquainted with potential partners or attempts to destroy the existing relationship because they do not like the current partner of their child.
Another common situation is an attempt of your friend or someone else to help you with your job. Let’s say you are busy preparing for an interview in some field, however, you wish to spend some more time on it, while a helpful person has already used his or her network of contacts for fetching an interview for you.
While for some people such situations happen only when it comes to helping the individuals they genuinely care about, others tend to do it with everyone. Such people will always assess your actions and appearance and give you some suggestions about it although you have never asked them to do it.
As you can guess, real help is the help which comes at the right moment. It might not be thus easy to assess when the right moment is but it is definitely not when you are bothering someone with unwanted recommendations, forcing someone to take your services or letting yourself to create unreal scenarios about the situation.
What is wrong with unwanted help?
If you believe you should help others at any price, you should be aware of the consequences of such a behaviour. It does not matter whether the subject of your helping intentions is your friend, relative, partner, acquaintance or a stranger.
Some people might not have any problem at all. The problem you would like to solve is just the result of some situation in the life of this person which does not fit your standards. That is why you should try to understand whether another person is really unhappy or it is you who will be unhappy in a similar case because it is not what you personally like. This can happen in particular if you are not aware of all of the circumstances of a situation which is quite possible since we almost never know exactly everything related to another person.
Needless to say, many people just know what is better themselves. In many situations concerning an individual, it is almost impossible to find something universal. Not everyone wants to marry, have a child, an office job or a luxurious house, even if these are the things you want yourself.
There are also situations in which we are eager to help others believing they cannot do it on their own since this takes them some time to make a decision. We should also understand the differences between personalities and just let people be themselves not rushing them and forcing if these situations are not affect your life as well.
Why do people fail to understand their help might be unwanted?
According to some scientists there are no genuine altruists among people. No matter how innocent an altruist seems to be, there is also a hidden reason for helping others and researchers find it a straight result of the evolution of our species. Do not think this hidden reason is expectation of another person helping you when you need it. These reasons are a way more complicated so that people who tend to offer unwanted help are unaware of these reasons themselves.
You might have already noticed that a popular reason is that people fail to distinguish their own needs from the needs of others.
Sometimes we help others, especially when it comes to our nearest and dearest because we are concerned about them and need to help in order to get rid of our own anxiety.
For some people helping is a way to feel oneself needed or appreciated. They also might feel satisfaction from being kind and helpful.
Finally, such a person might have problems with personal boundaries allowing others to intervene in one’s life and doing the same with the lives of others.